I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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