if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
