I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
