I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
