i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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