i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
