I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
