insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
