: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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