Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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