foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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