Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
