your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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