seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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