I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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