Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
