I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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