But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I deserve this hangover.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
