I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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