nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
