my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
