he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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