i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
