If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
