my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you win again, gameday.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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