The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
