She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
