i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
