We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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