I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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