ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
