Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
