All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
pray to the hookup gods
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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