Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
