How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
