I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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