Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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