wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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