I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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