Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
