Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
