so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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