I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
