Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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