i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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