RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
