remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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