Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
