My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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