I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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