He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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