why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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