i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize