Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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