I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's shark week go big or go home
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
