I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
