But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
