do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
