Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
