Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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