and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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