he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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