I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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