ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i can't believe i had my finger in that
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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