please come you make the beer taste better
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
