Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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