**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
