I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
