i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Everything about him screamed your future.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
