and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
