quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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