I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
