My balls are so social today.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
