It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
