Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
