I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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