Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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