so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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