just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
